you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
there is glitter all over my balls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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