jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize