Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
