If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
