I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
