i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize