she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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