Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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