I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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