these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
