just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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