Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
