you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
