So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
