Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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