His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
