just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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