My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
