I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
