id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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