no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize