I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
