i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
