i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
