I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
