I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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