i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
