i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
