I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
