bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
