Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize