Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
