I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
