She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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