I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize