Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize