Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
