ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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