i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
