My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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