I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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