I think I died a long time ago.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
