He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
