You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
