I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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