He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
