ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
