don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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