we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
