i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
