True but thats because hes a fetus.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
