UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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