The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she looked like the before picture.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
