I seem to have left my pride at pride
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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