Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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