I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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