Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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