hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dicks are not precious.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
