We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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