Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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