Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize