Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
