I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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