There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
