I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize