I will die if light touches me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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