this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
