Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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