i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
