I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is Oprah even human
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
